Jumpbacks. What The Hell?
I’m sorry to say that I have nothing revelatory to share. Only lamentations. And curse words. I’m also highly likely to offend a few people. So, stop reading now if you take yourself (or me) too seriously or are easily offended. I’m throwing all fucks out the window for this one.
What IS it about these little shits that makes them so hard? I know, I know. They require incredible core strength and also a specific coordination and complicated execution. For normal people with souls, it takes years of diligent practice to get those things just right. But some lucky sons of bitches get it almost right away. It’s ok to hate those people. It says so in the Sutras. I don't remember which one, but trust me, it's in there.
And OMG enough with the online tutorials. As if it were that easy, like the missing element was some tip or trick you could learn from a three minute Youtube video. REALLY? You just squeeze your pelvic floor?? I CAN’T BELIEVE I HADN’T TRIED THAT. Even the “Learn to Jumpback” workshops are a freaking joke. I should know. I’ve sat through more than enough of them only to feel fatter and less coordinated than when I started. Oh ok, we can TOTALLY shove ten years of dedicated practice into two hours. **Eyes rolling fiercely into the back of my skull**
Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, “But those tutorials and workshops helped me!” Well, I hate to tell you this but you’re an asshole and nobody likes you.
So, in conclusion, jumpbacks are terrible and stupid and only nerds can do them.
Ok, so I’m obviously joking as a carthasis for my years long frustration with this elusive movement. At least I hope it was obvious. Nothing is less funny than having to explain a joke. If you can do jumpbacks, good for you. You’ve either worked very hard or were blessed with the ideal anatomy. I’m (sort of) happy for you. And I’ll of course keep practicing no matter if it ever happens for me…you know, non-attachment and all that stuff that actually is in the Sutras.
But still. Jump backs can go suck a dick. And a big, fat F YOU if you've ever said they were easy.