Now What? What Now? What the F***?
I’m tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s been a difficult week for many. Probably one of the most difficult we’ve collectively had in a very long time. My heart feels raw and vulnerable; it’s hard for me to put it into words. Does this sound familiar? I would imagine that almost 61,000,000 people are feeling something similar.
Ok… Now what? That question has been on replay for me. Now what? What now? What the fuck?
I don’t have the answer. I’m not going to pretend to. I am just as clueless as everyone else on how to best proceed. I am just as heart broken and fucked up in the head. Putting one foot in front of the other feels clumsy and disconnected. I feel sad and disheartened. Where have I gone wrong? Where have we all gone wrong?
Now what? What now? What the fuck?
The only thing that I have in my arsenal that feels as though it can compete with these feelings of confusion and despair is love.
I have love. I choose love.
I’ll wake up every morning and I will choose love. I will love my partner. I will love my puppies. I will tell my family how much I love them. I will show my yoga students love. I will choose love in line at the grocery store. I will pick love the next time I am aggravated. I will try to feel love for those that feel differently than I do. I will try to express understanding for those who turn to oppression rather than compassion during times of disagreement. I will love, even though I may not want to.
I am not saying that I will ignore my anger, sadness, and despair; quite the opposite… I will wholeheartedly feel those emotions as they arise, in order to move through them. However, I will let love walk hand and hand with my anger. I will enable love to slowly ease my sadness. I will allow my despair to move into the light of love and dissipate.
In this dark time with so much unknown, love will be my guide.
And... I’m gonna fucking dance. Who runs the world? Girls.