Sharath Makes Me Nervous
Sharath makes me nervous. Really really nervous. I leave for Miami in three days and I am far more scared than excited. This is not abnormal for me. When I’m about to embark on a new experience or journey, my nerves have a tendency to go haywire. I’m not the best with transition or new things, I never have been.
The first time I ever worked with my Ashtanga teacher Tim, I was very new to the practice. I remember on my flight to Miami, I repeated all of the half primary series postures in my head countless times, as I was petrified of forgetting what posture came next while in the Mysore room. During that first Mysore practice, my hands were shaking so badly during the sun salutations, I could hardly keep my balance. When Tim called “Samasthiti” for the opening mantra, winded and freaked out, I could only whisper the mantra back.
Last summer, I was a complete wreck leading up to the Miami Life Center Ashtanga Intensive. I was so scared, I’d spontaneously burst into tears at any given moment. My angst made it difficult to concentrate, therefore I did little in preparation for my five week trip. I couldn’t sleep. My nervous system was in such a state of disarray, that it triggered a long dormant auto-immune disease to resurface days before I left, leaving me with a very serious problem to contend with while away.
The first led full primary class during our intensive was taught by MLC teacher Alexandra Santos. I had never in my life taken a led class; I was scared shitless. Injured, crazy hot, and actively trying not to throw up due to the onset of a dehydration migraine, somehow I made it through. Once class finished, I beelined for the street, called my boyfriend and proceeded to hysterically cry and say “This isn’t what I signed up for…”
Oh… But it was.
New things scare me, but they won’t stop me.
I have always been afraid of change, yet I have always run in the direction of change. I have seen fear prevent people from living their authentic lives. I refuse to let that happen to me. Fear is my motivator, not my captor. When something scares me, I know there is something I need to learn. Does this make the fear subside? Not really. It does, however, help me to put one foot in front of the other.
So, back to Sharath. That same fear is there, I’m totally freaked out. To be in the room with “The Boss” is exciting and equally petrifying. I mean, he’s THE guy. He is the one who holds the Ashtanga yoga lineage. Don't know who he is? Check out the video below.
It may be scary, but that fear can be conquered. Practicing with Sharath may be far outside of my comfort zone, yet getting outside of my comfort zone is exactly what I need in order to thrive. Complacency is easy and unrewarding. Following my life into uncharted territory, scary though it is, will give me so much. It’s ok to be scared. Being nervous is normal. Forgetting what comes next, shaky hands, trying not to barf, it’s all fine. It’s what we do with fear that really matters.
I’ll be taking my fear to Miami to practice with Sharath Jois. And I’ll be the one muttering to myself before class “I got this. I got this.” It'll be a much needed reminder.